On being right and wrong

One of the aspects of being a church and being part of a church is that there are always those who think that what is going on is wrong, and should be done differently, done more, done less - or not done at all. Such judgements come from both within and outside the church, and can be expressed with more or less courtesy and more or less directly.
It was one of the experiences of attending the WCC Faith and Order Plenary Commission, in which we were discussing things that matter very deeply to all of us about how we are churches, and what the nature of truth and true relating to God is. And I come home and discover that, as always, we are going through one of those periods within the church as well. And it raises an interesting set of reflections about how we recognise and trust the divine presence.
One of the things that I sometimes experience when people are telling me how things should be is the assumption - usually unspoken, but occasionally explicitly expressed - that God is on one side or the other (usually on the other, that is, not mine!) It's the kind of attitude expressed in the joke about the people who were arguing about styles of worship, and the argument ends with the comment
"Well, it's fine - you continue worshipping God in your way, and I will worship him in His"
What has begun to disturb me about the whole process is how easy it is to get sucked in to the attitude; to react to the suggestion that God is on the side of the person challenging me with the conviction that actually, God is on my side.
There was a time when I expressed this conviction in conversation with a (wise) friend. She came back at me very quickly. "God loves you utterly and completely, Ruth - and God loves XXXX as well - in the same way!"
That was several years ago, and I try to hold on to that. I try to remember that, if I dare to stand up and preach, if I dare to believe and encourage others to believe that the love of God is utter and limitless, and is not dependent on being good enough, then that is true for everybody. Even the people who say I am wrong.
And the hurt side of me rears up, and argues that surely God must be on my side, for I am right - and so I am right back into the conviction and practice that the love of God depends on me (or somebody else) being acceptable. That has got to be a dangerous place to stand.
There is another spin-off as well. If God is on my side because I am right, then it takes no time to get to the conviction that I am right because God is on my side - or, in other words, - I have the capacity and right to know and define what God wants, does and, in the end, who God is.
An even more dangerous place.
So, I find myself driven back again and again to prayer, and in particular to the prayer; Lord, you Kingdom come - and Lord, keep me humble.