Visiting and fidning life

When I was about 15 I started to visit an ancient man from our church who as it turned out, was a major formative influence in my life. But you never know these things when they are happening. You only discover that they’ve happened much much later (sometimes too late). They were no pastoral visits at that time. I only went because he was very interesting and his stories kept me listening for hours. He was a friend of my grandparents and that’s how I learned many stories from my grandparents’ lives and how things used to be when they were children and teenagers. He died some years ago but I can hardly forget him. I think I found him such a good friend in spite of the age gap mainly for 3 reasons. Again – these were hardly formulated in my head then. They are only emerging years later as I remember our chats. So – 1) he wasn’t complaining about his ailments all the time; 2) he wasn’t criticising the ‘young generation’ or all that’s wrong with the world today for that matter; 3) and he had no excessive need to give unsolicited advice. Somehow this lead me to the opinion that age does not matter when people reach a certain level of mutual understanding.
Now I’m finding myself in a different century/millennium, a different country, almost a different lifetime and visiting older people is part of the pastoral role I’m involved in. Yet, at times I find that these images from the past come back to me through other people. For instance, a few days ago I went to see an old man from our church. And I could immediately tell, that this man was from the category of the above mentioned guy from years ago. He is old and there are plenty of things to make his life miserable. There are plenty of reasons to make such visit a complaining session with a good opportunity of service for me to listen and offer empathy. Yet – none of this actually happened. On the contrary – it was a great lesson for me on how to perceive what life is and how to interpret what is happening to us. Instead of counting all that is wrong with his health, he gave account of how much he can still physically manage. Instead of complaining about loneliness, he showed me letters and emails that keep him in touch with various friends from all across the globe. Instead of listing what others have failed to do for him, he recounted how he helps others as much as he is able to. And all this was not just some kind of ‘positive philosophy of life’. There was a practical demonstration. In his kitchen there is a brand new washing machine, a dryer and a dishwasher. These are the things he got himself at the age of well over 80, and learned how to use them so that he can manage without carers. To me there is hardly a more solid proof of the will to live and cope with life as it comes. I’m not sure if I can even compare with it. We went out to lunch together and it was a great celebration. As he said – he hardly needs more to be able to celebrate than a new morning and a new day, and another person to talk to and another meal to enjoy. The fact that he wakes up is a bonus on top of God’s other blessings. Every new day is an extra on top of a rich tapestry of life. And when I see this kind of attitude enacted live before my eyes I really feel put to shame. All the stress we create for ourselves when we so easily slip into living our days without perspective. I think it’s best not to be saving this attitude for the ‘old age’, because that’s simply uncertain. The safest thing to do is to adopt it for today.
Posted by Ruth on behalf of Andrea Kvackova